An Ode to Tupperware

edit: I admit this is one of my weirder blogs, but a late-night conversation spurred its creation. Please, enjoy.

I hate Tupperware. Like a cold, wet jacket on a blustery, 38-degree day, it's gross to the touch, leaves you cold to the bone, and fails at its intended purpose.

Tupperware is hell. It loves nobody, much like the MLM folks who initially pushed it into households everywhere.

When I did the dishes as a kid, I refused to put the Tupperware and randomly warped plastic bits of dishware away. As an adult, I chuck them into a disorganized cabinet and curse the day I must reach in and sift through dozens of lids and strain to fit a single one on the container I am trying so desperately to use, even if only for one day.

So, when I got to throw away all of our Tupperware the other day? Euphoria.

The 12-year-old in me cherished the moment. The 14-year-old in me said, "Good job, buddy." The older versions of myself failed to appear, which is fair since I doubt I've matured much since 14 anyway.

What a beautiful day. The gloom has ended, and the sun has parted the clouds, allowing some light into our lives as we unburden the weight left from years of pent-up anger and disarray.

I wrote some poems to commemorate my history with Tupperware. I am by no means a poet and have most likely broken nearly every rule of poetry.

Thank you, Tupperware

For you helped me see the light

And ended my plight

_

They say that Tupperware

Only exists to scare

The consumers child to be aware

Of leaving plates clean and none to share

So they need not break out

The Tupperware

_

When I consider how my time is spent

And how my money goes to Tupperware

Though I do not despair its essence

My soul is bent on removing its presence

The Tupperware that leaves a hole in my adolescence

My true account is to disperse the plastic

As it is so caustic and spasmatic

While it leaves the dishwasher, warped and problematic

My nature is to remove the mess

And with Pyrex now, I will inverse the stress

Of inorganics causing such a mess, and putting cabinets in distress